My Blog

At some point, we all have to move on.

In a pretty good year when almost everything went my way, there are still a few things that didn’t.

Call it second wind, third wind, nth wind, whatever, I guess you could say I got my mojo back in 2008. I re-discovered the joy of working, be it at my regular job at the bank where my 2007 promotion led to an important role in our division or at my freelance writing on the side where there was a lot of personal fulfillment with what I thought was some of my very best work in recent years. The best of both worlds became truly the best of both worlds in 2008. I guess you could say I was on some kind of a roll or whatever that is.

At some point, we all have to move on.

2008 was also some kind of transition year for me. And graduation day as far as my work in the bank is concerned came at the last quarter when a recent merger that many of you may have read about resulted in an early retirement offer that was simply too good to pass up.

There’s a part of me that always wanted to quit my day job so I can finally pursue what I really wanted to do, to go where my heart truly belongs. It still felt a little painful, though, when I told my bosses that I’m leaving because I intend to “follow my heart.” Only this time “following my heart” takes on a slightly different meaning from what I had in mind just a couple of years ago.

Just as it felt a little painful and yes, a little emotional when I was asked to co-host our office’s Christmas party, something that would turn out to be my first and last at the bank, my second home and my second family for, oh, just the last 21 years. What can I say? It was a nice little gig that at times, broke my heart, lifted my spirits, made me proud and yes, ultimately paid my bills.

Truth to tell, I’m actually a little scared about all the uncertainty that the near future brings, especially with all that crisis talk and financial doomsday scenarios people are predicting for 2009. At the same time, I’m a little sad that with all of this also came an opening, a possibility, however remote, for a much-awaited second chance that I was hoping to pursue at the right time. Unfortunately, some opportunities present themselves a little too late. Sometimes, things have a way of simply not working out.

At some point, we all have to move on.

I said goodbye to a lot of things in 2008. A long career that has by and large, been very kind to me. A comfort zone that I worked very hard to establish yet was largely criticized by some well-meaning friends. And yes, the many people that I’m used to being around me for quite some time, some possibly for good.  

There’s something to be said about closing doors and opening windows. I absolutely have no idea what’s up for me in 2009. They say things are supposed to get worst before they get better. Well, I do hope the worst is over for me by now.

As much as everything didn’t go my way in 2008, there are still plenty of things to be thankful for, many things to be hopeful for and oh, yes, a few good reasons to keep smiling about. Yes, I’m also actually excited about the options and prospects I’m looking forward to for the coming new year.

At some point, we all have to move on? As a new-found friend would put it, to move forward is more like it. Happy new year, everybody.

You know what people say about looking at the bright side? Call me an eternal optimist but I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason, usually a good one.

Until recently, I haven’t gotten around to talking about how my year went. For the most part, 2007 was a very good year for me. I didn’t travel as mucb as I have in 2006 but in terms of career and professional advancements, it should be one for the books. But like most people born in the Year of the Dragon, it was also an emotional roller coaster ride..

Call it winning some and losing some but I guess you can’t really always get what you want. Loss is always a painful thing for anybody, whether it’s momentary or permanent. The good news is what comes down, always comes back up. And I do hope that will eventually the case with me.

Looking at the bright side, I feel more fortunate and blessed compared to a lot of other people I know, who probably deserves even better. I know there are still some issues to sort out but for now, i think I’ll be okay.

The best thing about the best laid plans of mice and men is that if they don’t work out, the alternatives could be just as appealing, if not even better. Maybe I need not look very far to see what’s really good for me. Maybe i haven’t been paying attention. Maybe, just maybe, what I’m really looking for is just right here in front of me all along.

Today, I passed by Glorietta Mall for the first time since the explosion that killed 11 people (as of last count) and injured more than 100 others. That was only a few days ago.

With the Glorietta 2 area still closed to the public and so many other stores refusing to re-open, the mall is virtually a ghost town that’s not as well-lit as it used to be and very few (and dare I say, it brave) shoppers negotiating its halls. It might not even be accurate to call them shoppers as most of them are either on their way to the nearest MRT station (like I was this afternoon) or simply wandering aimlessly around. Yes, I know. I just blogged about that wandering thing only recently.

I can’t remember if I actually saw a child but what I can’t forget is what pretty much comes close to the stench of death, it’s the unmistakable smell of burning rubber that was very much in the air. I suspect that smell won’t go away in the next few days, either. I wish I could no more than pray for the souls of those who perished but as their survivors would say almost in unison on TV, there’s really nothing anyone could do to bring back what they lost.

It’s a very sad state for what has been my favorite mall dating back when the cinemas were still known collectively as QUAD and when the name Glorietta simply referred to the open air activity center where I remember seeing, of all performers, a teenage family act called The Nailclippers who had a pretty skinny lead singer named Diana, who I also remembered I had a schoolboy crush on.

Last year, Glorietta left an even vivid memory for me when I spent a lot of wonderful moments in many of its theaters and restaurants with someone who still means a lot to me. Maybe she was right after all in making that personal decision. But then again maybe a friend that I had dinner with last night was probably also right in arguing that hey, bombings were already taking place here for as far as we can remember. I really don’t know. 

I don’t know. What made the whole Glorietta incident worse or better (if such a thing is possible) that it seems like it wasn’t caused by terrorists as initially feared but by an accident that the mall was probably responsible. Meaning that it was an accident waiting to happen for quite a while.

Wow! If that’s really the case, then how safe are our malls here. I wanted to shed a tear. I really do. But whether those tears are for the unfortunate victims of that tragedy or for us, for me, the remaining survivors who are still around to live through all of this, it’s not at all easy.

Life goes on and Glorietta will to return to normal or what passes for it eventually. I just wish there’s a better way of putting this whole thing into perspective. There’s really none. 

Ever get the feeling that no matter how great things are going for you, you’re still just wandering aimlessly? Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Haven’t really written anything here in quite a while. Well, here I go again.

At a recent advanced screening of Big Love, a new HBO TV series, we were greeted by the opening strains of "God Only Knows," a classic hit from the 60’s by The Beach Boys written by the brilliant Brian Wilson. The song was also earlier and yes, beautifully used in movies like Boogie Nights and Love, Actually. I came to learn of this song only belatedly (about a decade ago to be exact) and although it was just a simple love song that doesn’t have anything to do with religion by any means, its emotional impact brought about by its majestic melody is truly nothing short of, well, heavenly. There is simply nothing quite like it and in my book, is indeed one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded.

Thank God for YouTube, those of you who haven’t actually heard about it can watch it in the following links:

The original Beach Boys version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC_UILNwWrc

Brian Wilson and The Corrs, Live!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-jMKeB8qc4

By a group called The Fendertones:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiMwo40gfj0

And a wonderful acoustic version by Switchfoot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg637-MbpcY

Here’s a very revealing Wikipedia entry on the story behind the song:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Only_Knows

And of course, the lyrics, whose relevance is certainly not lost on me:

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I’d be without you

God only knows what I’d be without you

I recently learned that Brad Delp, lead singer of the rock band Boston passed away. It marked the end of an era for most rock fans who grew up with the band’s best known hit, More Than A feeling. Personally, the song was one of my all-time favorites and there was a time when I used to play it every morning to start my day even though it’s not exactly a feel-good tune as its lyrics suggest.

Now that I’m entering a crossroads in my life, armed with some recent humbling experiences and faced with what are probably my toughest challenges to date, I found myself playing this song and the words below started to resonate louder than ever. They say things are supposed to get worse before they get better. I say bring ‘em on.

More Than A Feeling
By Boston, 1977

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It’s more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
As clear as the sun in the summer sky

It’s more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

When Im tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away. she slipped away.

It’s more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin away

Well, actually I didn’t. But this is the second time I wrote part of an entire book. The first time was for the Encyclea Guide To Restaurants in Manila (now on its second edition) where I wrote mini-reviews of four restos.

This time, well, I’ll just let my colleague Jim Ayson say it in a news item that was recently posted in his PhilMusic.com website.

Excerpts:

Hey, didn’t we recently declare a moratorium on Eraserheads coverage? Well something new has come in, so we’ll need to dispense with that for the moment.

This time it’s in the form of collection of essays in book form. Entitled "Tikman ang Langit: An Anthology on the Eraserheads" (after the chorus of a commercial performed by the band for Burger Machine), the book features pieces written mostly by a group of young technology journalists (banded together as the group known as Cyberpress), who’ve taken a brief sidetrip from their usual beats to pay homage to the band that performed the soundtrack of their generation.

Edwin Sallan, a Manila Bulletin contributor, also contributes to the project. Edwin used to write for the legendary Jingle Magazine. Completing the circle is editor Ces Rodriguez, who acted as Jingle’s editor-in-chief around the time the Eraserheads was first starting to take off.

The book is now available at Powerbooks and National Book Store branches. Go get your copy.

It’s Valentine’s month so I guess it’s a good reason to talk about one of my all-time favorite love songs. Firrst, here’s what Wikipedia says about it:

“Maybe I’m Amazed” is a song written by Paul McCartney, which was first released on his McCartney album on April 17, 1970.

A live recording from the 1976 album Wings over America was released as a single by Wings on February 4, 1977 and became a top 10 hit in the US, and versions of the song can be heard on several other albums including Back in the US and Back in the World.

“Maybe I’m Amazed” has become a centerpiece of McCartney’s concerts, along with “Band on the Run” and “Live and Let Die”. Regarded as one of McCartney’s finest love songs, it achieved the #338 position in the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time list compiled by Rolling Stone magazine in November 2004.

I say it’s a very heartfelt ballad sung emotionally in a partly screaming fashion. This song is a big reason why McCartney remains my favorite Beatle even though it’s more hip and cool to say it’s Lennon. If you haven’t heard it yet, it’s about time you do. I say it’s a must-have on every iPod and make sure you get the definitive live version. Now that I found myself in a very special relationship, these three short verses of Maybe I’m Amazed now sounds more meaningful and personal than ever.

Baby Im amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe Im afraid of the way I love you
Baby Im amazed at the the way you pulled me out of time
Hung me on a line
Maybe Im amazed at the way I really need you

Baby Im a man and maybe Im a lonely man
Whos in the middle of something
That he dosent really understand
Babe Im a man and maybe youre the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby wont you help to me understand

Baby Im amazed at the way youre with me all the time
Maybe Im afraid of the way I leave you
Baby Im amazed at the way you help me sing my song
You right me when Im wrong
Maybe Im amazed at the way I really need you

"Ang Rigodon de Honor ay hango sa mga Pormal na pagtitipon ng mga Presidente sa Pilipinas sa panahon ng pag-iinagura sa pagka-Presidente. kabilang dito ang mga Unang Ginang, mga Diplomatiko at ibang mga Opisyal ng Estado ang karaniwang nagpapartisipa sa mga sayawang katulad nito."

That’s what its Wikipedia entry says about this particular dance. I never thought I’d actually be a part of soimething like this even on a smaller scale until I had to pinch-hit for my Middle Eastern-based brother-in-law for an annual Rigodon De Honor event at St. Scholastica’s College.

I’m not sure if they do this every year but the idea of the whole thing is for participating sixth graders to dance the Rigodon De Hnor with their fathers. If dads are not available, they can be replaced with uncles, grandfathers or any other relative. This year’s event dubbed as the Centennial Rigodon in reference to the school’s 100-year anniversary actiually featured two Rigodon dances, the traditional Rigodon De Honor and the more contemporary Rigodon De Royale.

My 12-year old niece, Gel or Karl (her fiull name is Karl Angeline) as she is known to her classmates is a sixth grader Kulasa. She asked her dad back in October last year to come home for this dance and when he informed her that’s not possible, she was disappointed and initially decided not to participate anymore. For some reason, she later changed her mind and asked me if I can dance the Rigodon with her instead.

Now I don’t really consider myself as a good dancer. Okay, I’m not a dancer at all period. But I’m not gonna break the kid’s heart by turning her down so I relented. For several Saturdays since last November and everyday after office hours for one full week prior to the big dance last Saturday, we practiced. Me and Gel found ourselves doing the faster and more modern Rigodon De Royale number. While there were a lot of fathers, there were also a few uncles, grandfathers and even one cousin that served as the girls’ partners.

Yes, a lot of us couldn’t really dance if our lives depended on it. But our choreographer, Ms. Encar was so patient and motivational (not to mention quite sexy) that by the last week of the practice, the only thing we were worried about were the little things like alignment and timing. Other than that, we were pretty precise with our moves and certainly didn’t embarass ourselves during the actual dance. More than the choreographer, however, it was the very thought of not letting our little girls down that proved to be the ultimate motivation.

What made the dance more special was that we were required to wear formal Filipiniana attire for it, with the girls wearing a specially-designed gown in their own chosen colors and the dads and other elder partners wearing beige barong tagalog and black pants. Biases aside, we all looked magnificent and I for one, felt goose bumps before, during and after our well-applauded number.

As the grade school principal of St. Scho would aptly put it, "The field was transformed into a beautiful garden party for the Sixth Graders, their parents and their teachers. It was a sight to behold to see fathers dancing with their young girls dressed in their best formal attire, to hear our young girls conversing in light and soft tones, and to see parents, sisters and teachers awed by the overnight transformation of these young ladies."

For my part, I had a lot of fun and yes, I did feel like Richard Gere in "Shall We Dance" during this whole unique experience. I also got to know some of the fathers during the practice sessions. Truth is, a part of us wished that it wasn’t over yet during our last day. It felt like we were the ones in school preparing for our graduation.

But more important that all of that is the happiness that it brought to my niece’s face. Gel pestered me hours before every practice, implored us not to be late and called my attention to every misstep. But seeing her very happy that night made everything worth it. Her dad should have been here for this incredible moment but I’m also glad I got to do this myself. It really felt like dancing with the daughter I never had and probably will never have.

You know I always wondered why some people have to pay premium for their children’s education when I myself didn’t do too bad in both private and public schools. Well, it sounds very cliched but the truth is, some school memories are just plain priceless. As perhaps the only school to stage Rigodon cotillions regularly, St. Scho has created a a unique father and daughter (in our case, uncle and niece) bonding activity that makes all those expenses well worth it.